times and places

goodbye/hello

2008-12-30T22:08:00.000-08:00

different/same

2008-12-29T11:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel weak for wanting to surround myself with like-minded folks. Aren't we supposed to challenge ourselves? Shouldn't we be willing to stand up for our convictions?

I guess. I just feel like...I don't like fighting everyday. I don't like the toll it takes, arguing and pushing and debating on a constant basis. It's not that I don't appreciate other points of view. I do. It's not that I don't love people who believe things radically different than I do. I do, too.

I guess it's just that in my day to day encounters, in the people I have casual conversation with, in the people who I'm going to hang out with and be free with...I want to be that. Free. And I want to be supported. Don't we all? I want to say what I want to say and have some "yeah" thrown my way.

It can get discouraging to be in a world that doesn't value the same things I do and seemingly doesn't seem to value me for who I am...a woman, a person of hispanic heritage, a parent of more than two. And more. It's not a good feeling, knowing that over all your culture does not value you as a human all that much. I want to spend the majority of my personal time around people who DO value other humans. I guess that's what it is.

************************************************************************

I live in California and we are having a huge budget crisis. They want to lay off state workers because we don't have enough to pay everyone. One suggestion was to give everyone a pay cut. And everyone freaked out and screamed and said "Noooo! You can't cut my pay!!". And, I'm sorry, but I've been a state worker. My husband is a state worker. They get paid just fine and they have excellent benefits. It's a far superior job than just about anything else comparable out there.

I would be willing to sacrifice a percentage of our income if it meant our friends and neighbors got to keep their jobs. Isn't it better for all of us in the end if more people stay employed? Do people not realize the social ramifications of high unemployment?

The whole thing has been very depressing to watch. Some people are saying that in reality the worst that will happen is some state workers will lose some paid holidays and that's it. I hope so. Things are bad enough right now without people losing jobs.

sometimes I think I'm weird

2008-12-27T15:32:00.000-08:00

In my group of friends, I'm the loud one, the blunt one, the straight shooter, if you will. I say things that my friends often won't, either because they have much more tact or class than me or because they are just plain smarter.

But sometimes I wonder if I'm just weird and think weird things and see the world in a weird way and maybe that's why it is that I say things other people don't. Adding the internet into that mix makes me wonder if my thoughts and behavior are REALLY weird.

The lovely Suebob of Redstapler is headed to my next of the woods and she is coming here and meeting up with Count Mockula. Now, I've been following Suebob for a long time, but I had never heard of CM, and this fun little blogger lives in my town. In fact, she lives somewhere within a mile or so radius from my house. How do I not know her?

She seems about my age. She has a baby just a smidge older than my baby (and extremely cute with a very cool and unique name, just like my baby). She has a tall skinny hubby, like me. She's somewhat punk rock (ok, she's hell of punk rock, WAY more than me but in a way I'd like to be). She dressed her kids in Paul Frank. She slings her baby. Her family just took a trip to Santa Cruz and went all the places that we went on OUR recent trip to Santa Cruz. She's, like...a cooler version of me. At least from the superficial things I've gleaned from her blog.

And this is why I think I'm weird.

Because, it's very possible that I've seen her around. (In fact, I used to go all the time to see the band she is/was in). And when I see women like that around, particularly at my local Trader Joes (which is where I usually see other 30-something progressive/punk/liberal mamas) I always think "How do I not know this person?". And sometimes I even have the fleeting thought of walking up to them and giving them my card and saying, in a very 3rd grade kind of way "My name is Smarmy Mama, do you want to be my friend?".

I mean...am I weird that I look at other women around town and think "I should be friends with that person" or "How am I NOT friends with that person!??".

I live in a fairly progressive/lefty part of town and so I see these women out and about with their little ones fairly often. I can't tell you how many times I've held myself back from trying to make small talk...for what? Just because we kind of look like we lead similar life styles! Is that weird?

Confession: There was a Dansko wearing mama wandering Trader Joes a few weeks ago and her babe was wearing a kind of cloth diaper that I use. And you know what I did? I faked asking about what kind it was (even though I knew) just to try to make small talk!!

Whenever I feel this way or do something silly like that, I always wonder...am I the only freak who does that?

And, I wonder if it's ridiculous of me to wonder how I don't know these women. Yes I live in a big city, technically, but the particular part of town I live in feels so very small. The social circles are so small and so intertwined. I honestly will ponder for days how it's possible I don't know every other hipster mom in town when in reality, it's probably pretty stupid of me to even think that's possible. I mean, OF COURSE I don't know them all. I don't even hardly leave the damn house most of the week, for pete's sake.

Anyways...

Because of Suebob, I wandered around CM blog and found out who she was. And it was cool seeing my city through another's eyes. That was fun.

I wonder, though, if I'm the only 30-something year old woman around here who contemplates ways to make friends with people just because they look like they are kind of the same. Maybe I'm just a big weirdo.

Either way, Count Mockula, I promise I did not and will not stalk you. I would like to think that everyone is interested in other people around them who they have things in common with, but maybe I'm the only one.

after

2008-12-26T07:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, after the millions of presents were opened, as my two oldest were finishing their french toast I'd made them, they both stopped and said to me "Thank you for breakfast, mama. And thank you for all my presents".

It was possibly the sweetest gift I could have been given and an assurance that maybe, just maybe, I'm not screwing this parenting thing up too badly.

worlds happiest baby

2008-12-22T20:21:00.000-08:00

1 Christmas down, 2 to go.

2008-12-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

Being the modern fractured family that we are, the holidays are underway with Christmas 1 out of the way.

Christmas 1 was with my parents. We drove up Friday night, just as I was feeling a tickle in my throat. By the time I hit the sack in my brothers guest room, my throat was fiery agony. I cooked a big dinner of tri tip, baked potatoes, salad, green bean caserole, and rolls for my family. It was well received. The Hub got me some Nyquil and I had a slightly better nights sleep last night.

I'm a little sad that I was feeling so crappy for the visit with my family. I would have liked to have had more energy and to have enjoyed myself more.

I now I have two days of work and then it's Christmas 2, on Wednesday, which will be with my mother in law. God bless her, she always cooks up a huge amazing spread and I don't have to do a darn thing other than show up, let her ply my children with sugar, ply me with sauvignon blanc, and get presents. So, this year, even if I'm not feeling so well, at least I have no work to do.

We will be spending Christmas 3, or ACTUAL Christmas, at home. Alone. Just our (not so) little family. I think we've both wanted to do this for a long time, but this is the first year we can do so, guilt free. So we'll take what we can get. I'm looking forward to it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, a dose of NyQuil and some kleenex are callin' my name. I need to rest up and be well for the next Christmas.

life

2008-12-15T12:40:00.000-08:00

I have a very blessed life. So much so, in fact, that I spend a lot of time wondering what horrible thing is going to happen to me, because no one just has this wonderful of a life without some rain clouds here and there.

I'm weird (or maybe a bit mental)

2008-12-14T16:26:00.000-08:00

I am so completely and totally content and happy when my house is clean and orderly. It makes me so happy.

We got our tree last weekend. And by Friday it was dead. We went to a cut-your-own place to avoid this and it still died. (It was cheap, I think the place we went to sells trees that are not especially meant to be cut down and kept in a bowl of water) So I obsessed about it all last week as the days saw the tree getting dryer, not taking up water, and the branches drooping. I could hardly think of anything else except the idea of all the needles that would drop on my floor, the possible fire hazard, and how pathetic the darn thing looked. So we went to Target yesterday and bought a fake tree. And I love it. I love that it will always be straight. I love not stressing about watering it. I love that it is the perfect tree shape. I love that it won't drop needles. I love that my cats won't eat it and then barf in the dining room.

Also this weekend I did my annual "toy clean up". This is when I go through and seriously weed out toys to prepare for the incoming ones. I completely cleaned and organized all the toy boxes and baskets. I'm sure no one else notices but I do and it just feels so nice that there is one less source of clutter and mess around for the time being.

I did a lot of other cleaning. The hidden cleaning the people don't really notice like dusting and cleaning floors. And I feel so happy and content. My house feel comfortable and cozy and nice. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :)

a nice end to a rough day

2008-12-11T21:01:00.000-08:00

I overslept this morning. What a yuck feeling, being comfy and cozy in a nice bed and having to be rushed out of it.

I wanted to do a project with the kiddos, didn't plan it well, and it has to be postponed till tomorrow.

After three weeks (yes WEEKS) of downed service with our cable/internet/phone provider we switched providers and had our install for the new provider today. The guy showed up at 11am, worked, managed to let our small dog escape, and by 6pm still hadn't finished the install. We finally sent him home, eager to have our home, privacy, and quiet back. The baby needed to sleep, we needed to eat. Hub has now been on the phone with the tech support for an hour and I have to go through yet another "install appointment" at some point.

When I went to fetch the escapee dog, who had been picked up by a nice neighbor, I found out that the petty theft crime spree in my neighborhood is worse than I'd thought. Houses are being broken into all over, nearly daily. I live in a nice neighborhood, and thus rarely see a cop. *sigh* Worry worry worry worry. We shall not be putting out our Christmas presents until that morning, that's for sure.

Worked really hard with potty training one of the little girls I watch. Frustrating.

But tonight...

Once the cable guy was gone, I put on my iPod and it, thankfully, played me Iron and Wine and Death Cab and Feist and other mellow things I needed to hear. My son leaned against my side and told me he loved me and we played silly video games for a bit before he fell asleep on me. Small escapee dog curled up next to him. The picture of adorable.

The day was rough but it was worth it to have the last bit be so sweet.

the downsides to good things

2008-12-05T12:36:00.000-08:00

When you have a baby, you long for that night the baby FINALLY sleeps all night.

What you don't realize is that it doesn't mean you'll get a good nights sleep. What it, in fact, means is that you will wake approximately one hour past your baby's normal wake time and realize he hasn't woken, wonder if he died in his sleep, spend twenty minutes trying to convince yourself that you're being ridiculous and paranoid before you finally just get up and put a hand on him and assure yourself he's sleeping. You then get back in bed, wide awake at 3:30am, and count the minutes until the baby ACTUALLY wakes.

cooking

2008-11-27T18:31:00.000-08:00

To my left, a glass of raspberry wine from Casa De Fruta.

In the oven is a tiny little ham, glazed with honey butter and a small green bean casserole. Waiting to be heated are some mini croisants and corn. Sliced in a bowl in my husbands favorite, jellied cranberries.

K is at her dad's this Thanksgiving. It took me years to feel like celebrating the holidays when she was gone. It probably wasn't until E came along that I actually put my heart into any celebrations that were without her. Having little Baby E has made me truly be thankful again, even though I have to be without her.

Tonight, we we have a little private celebration. We aren't going anywhere or doing anything other than being at home, enjoying our boys, and being thankful for one another. Obviously, I'd rather have my daughter with me, too, but even so.....it's not too bad this year. Not too bad at all.

First world problems

2008-11-25T16:23:00.001-08:00

Trying to figure out what I want for my 2nd iPod, a nano or another classic.

shoppy

2008-11-18T13:00:00.000-08:00

With the holidays coming up, I wanted to give a shout out (wut wut!) to two of my new favorite little online shops.........

* Princess Lasertron. Her blog is over in my little sidebar over there, this is her etsy shop. She is so creative and makes the absolute most adorable little pins, bouquets, and other things you've ever seen. I'm always in awe of people with this level of creativity and skill.

* The gang over at Tshirtoutlet.com . It's better than it sounds....it's not overstock or old out of date t's, it's actually cute t shirts, novelty, political, environmental, you name it. Good stuff, great deals. I've already found a handful of t's I've wanted that on other sites were way more expensive. I like a deal and I love this site. Bonus, it's run by really nice people.

Another post on politics

2008-11-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

But this one's about Gun Control.......

I have to credit the awesome Rachel Maddow with pointing this one out.......it's excellent.

Scared that Obama is gonna take away yer guns?? Read this.

Yes, more on Prop. 8

2008-11-07T07:20:00.001-08:00

Worth reposting....Melissa Etheridge blogged about the passage of Prop. 8.

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We're gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that's not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS workers and gym teachers and such, they won't have to pay their taxes either.

Oh and too bad California, I know you were looking forward to the revenue from all of those extra marriages. I guess you will have to find some other way to get out of the budget trouble you are in.

…Really?

When did it become okay to legislate morality? I try to envision someone reading that legislation "eliminates the right" and then clicking yes. What goes through their mind? Was it the frightening commercial where the little girl comes home and says, "Hi mom, we learned about gays in class today" and then the mother gets that awful worried look and the scary music plays? Do they not know anyone who is gay? If they do, can they look them in the face and say "I believe you do not deserve the same rights as me"? Do they think that their children will never encounter a gay person? Do they think they will never have to explain the 20% of us who are gay and living and working side by side with all the citizens of California?

I got news for them, someday your child is going to come home and ask you what a gay person is. Gay people are born everyday. You will never legislate that away.

I know when I grew up gay was a bad word. Homo, lezzie, faggot, dyke. Ignorance and fear ruled the day. There were so many "thems" back then. The blacks, the poor ... you know, "them". Then there was the immigrants. "Them.” Now the them is me.

I tell myself to take a breath, okay take another one, one of the thems made it to the top. Obama has been elected president. This crazy fearful insanity will end soon. This great state and this great country of ours will finally come to the understanding that there is no "them". We are one. We are united. What you do to someone else you do to yourself. That "judge not, lest ye yourself be judged" are truthful words and not Christian rhetoric.

Today the gay citizenry of this state will pick themselves up and dust themselves off and do what we have been doing for years. We will get back into it. We love this state, we love this country and we are not going to leave it. Even though we could be married in Mass. or Conn, Canada, Holland, Spain and a handful of other countries, this is our home. This is where we work and play and raise our families. We will not rest until we have the full rights of any other citizen. It is that simple, no fearful vote will ever stop us, that is not the American way.

Come to think of it, I should get a federal tax break too...

This is not OK

2008-11-05T08:14:00.000-08:00

Everyone should be treated equally under the law.

Everyone should be treated equally under the law.

Everyone should be treated equally under the law.

I voted

2008-11-04T09:04:00.001-08:00

I voted this morning. I was #8 in line when the polling place opened. Everyone was chatting about how excited they were without actually mentioning any names, lest that violate the "no campaigning" rule.

There were "No on 8" people campaigning 101 feet away from the polling place, God bless them.

When I leaving, I walked up to an elderly woman who was volunteering for "No on 8" and thanked her for getting out at the last minute. She told me that was German, having escaped concentration camps when her parents fled with her to the US when she was little. She started tearing up and told me how she had to help Prop. 8 in anyway she could because it was just too much like what the Nazis did to the Jews in Germany.

As I drove off, I saw a house with a "Yes on 8" sign in their yard and I got so mad.

I got to thinking...I feel very uncomfortable having more rights than someone else I know. It's a very uncomfortable feeling knowing that my gay friends don't have the same rights as I do...that they don't get treated the same way as me. What did I do that is so special that I deserve to be treated fairly and they don't?

*sigh*

It was really exciting to vote this morning, but also really scary.

Dirty underhanded lies

2008-11-03T07:46:00.001-08:00

I've been seeing this ad for Prop. 8 here in California on the TV quite a bit lately...

This ad claims that the superintendent of schools, Jack O'Connell, is lying when he says that Prop 8 isn't about instruction and schools. They list the following links off the California Department of Education website as "proof" the schools are required to teach about marriage (at about the 16 second mark):

http://www.cde.ca.gov/ls/he/se/sexeducation.asp
http://www.cde.ca.gov/ls/he/se/faq.asp
If you are a lifelong California like myself, you've probably been scratching your head about what they heck they are talking about...I certainly wasn't "taught about marriage" in school, and my 9 year old daughter hasn't learned a darn thing about marriage either.

I looked up those links. I think the Yes on Prop 8 people were counting on people NOT actually reading the links and merely just hoping they will be scared into voting yes. Cause here is the text of the first link, it it's enitirety:

Comprehensive Sexual Health Education
Provides information concerning authorized comprehensive sexual health education.

Education Code (EC) 51933 (Outside Source) specifies that school districts are not required to provide comprehensive sexual health education, but if they choose to do so, they shall comply with all of the requirements listed below.

Comprehensive sexual health education instruction shall be age-appropriate and bias-free, and all factual information shall be medically accurate and objective. Instruction shall be appropriate for students of all genders, sexual orientations, and ethnic and cultural backgrounds, and it shall be accessible for English language learner students and students with disabilities. Instruction shall encourage communication between students and their families and shall teach respect for marriage and committed relationships.

In addition, in grades seven to twelve, instruction shall include all of the following: information about the value of abstinence; information about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including all Federal Drug Administration (FDA)-approved methods of reducing the risk of contracting STDs; information about all FDA-approved methods of contraception, including emergency contraception; information about California’s newborn abandonment law (Safe Surrender Law EC 51933 [12]) (Outside Source) and Penal Code 271.5 (Outside Source) and skills for making responsible decisions about sexuality.
Questions

If you don't want to read that whole thing I'll sum it up for you:
It's Education Code about what schools must teach about sex education IF they chose to teach sex ed.

The ONE mention of marriage is that it says "shall teach respect for marriage and committed relationships."

That's it.

And that's code right now. It also has language about respecting people of different sexual orientations. That's the code right now, people. It's the sex ed code. You remember that cheese sex ed class we all had in 6th grade? THAT. That's what they are talking about.

The other link is simple an FAQ about the hows and whys of different policies on the teaching of Sex Ed.

*******************************************************

The folks over at ProtectMarriage.com are counting on voters voting out of fear rather than knowledge. They are counting on voters not actually researching their claims. They are lying to you. They are lying.

Please, if you know someone who is voting yes on Prop.8 because of what they are scared will be taught to children, please encourage them to visit the CDE website and take a look at what is actually mandated. Those codes aren't changing.

Our children will continue to be taught respect for marriage and committed relationships and that already includes same sex relationships. NOTHING about Prop. 8 will impact our schools or our children. Nothing.

Pass it on........

Seriously

2008-11-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

Watched another Palin interview last night.

Can anyone who is voting for McCain please share with me how you justify voting for HER?

I mean......she seems like a nice enough lady. But, come on.....she doesn't know anything. I just watch her interviews and I feel like the Republicans are just playing a huge joke on us or something.

vote...or not

2008-10-29T13:38:00.001-07:00

random

2008-10-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

* New pics up.

* Prop 8 = civilized biggotry. ugh.

* Exciting to see what Barack has to say tonight. John McCain said he wouldn't delay the World Series to talk to people. Because, you know, baseball is far more important than our economy, war, health care.

* Oh Sarah Palin.......

* When will this baby sleep through the night? PLEASE SOON.

* I broke the hell out of my toe the other day. That was not fun.

* Need new music.

stop using my underage daughter as a political tool

2008-10-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

Once again in my state a proposition in on the ballot to mandate adult notification if a minor wants an abortion.

Sadly, in previous elections, this has failed two times and I fear it might fail again.

This measure doesn't even require PARENT notification or ANY adult consent. It just says "Tell an adult before you perform an abortion on a 14 year old". And yet feminists and pro-choicers will tell you this is some women's rights issue and that 14 year olds should be entitled to get invasive medical procedures done without any adult being aware of it.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmm NO.

I'm sorry it doesn't tow the line for the pro-choice movement. I'm sorry that pro-choicers are too caught up in their movement to actually apply common sense to and issue that really isn't about abortion at all.

It's been said time and time and time again and yet not one single person who disagrees with these propositions can answer these issues:
Why must 14 year olds get consent for everything from ear piercing to taking asprin, and yet ABORTION is AOK for them?
What happens to the girls who get them, don't tell ANYONE, and then heal badly, get ill, or even worse, die?

A 14 or 15 year old rarely has an accurate enough grasp on reality to really thoughtfully judge how their parent will respond in this extreme situation. SURE plenty of teens don't want to tell their parents. NO SHIT. Plenty of them would get in trouble, plenty of them would suffer long lectures and groundings and other things that teenagers find TRULY horrible. Do I agree with those? Not necessarily. But do I think that they should then be able to get an invasive medical procedure without an adult knowing about it? NO!

I'm so sick whenever this issue comes up. I hate that the pro-choice movement wants to endanger my daughter for the sake of their cause.

My daughter is 9 and she's scared to tell me when she loses her camera. Cause she get's in trouble. And that's hard for her. It doesn't make it ok that she doesn't tell me. If she was 15 and got pregnant I bet she wouldn't want to tell me that either. I bet she'd be really scared. That doesn't make it ok for someone to perform a medical procedure on her with out my consent. It just doesn't.

Ugh. I'm just so frustrated with this crap. I'm so fed up with these band-aid fixes. I'm so pissed that my daughter is being used as a political tool. I just hate it.

approach

2008-10-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

When we see Sarah Palin and John McCain talking about "reaching across the aisle" they often infuse their talk with confrontational words. They, more often than not, talk about how they are going to get in people faces, they are going to offend, they are going to do stuff wether people like it or not, they are going to raise hell.

When Obama and Biden talk about healing bipartisanship, they talk about cooperation, healing, and working together.

I don't understand why Republicans are proud of their image as confrontational assholes. I don't understand why anyone, after the past 8 years, thinks being the worlds douchebag is a good idea.

WHAT?

2008-10-06T14:38:00.001-07:00

I decided to take a look at the "Yes on Prop 8"/Protect Marriage website. I encourage you to do the same. Not because I think you should vote yes on 8 if you're a Californian but because I feel like it's good to know all sides of an issue.

When I took a look at the Protect Marriage site, I fully expected it to be a well crafted argument against gay marriage.

It's not.

Take a look at their commercial:

"Imposed" same sex marriage? Acceptence is "mandatory"? WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT!?

The "Yes on 8" folks seem to be trying to mislead conservative voters by making them believe that they will legally "have to" be ok with gay marriage. I don't even get what they mean by having same sex marriage "imposed" on us.....like, what, we'll be forced to go gay? We'll be legally mandated to buy them all blenders?

If you look through the site, there is a lot of talk about teaching kids gay marriage. That, because kids learn about marriage, they'll be taught about GAY MARRIAGE.

Really, what do conservatives think that HONESTLY means? Do they think that suddenly kindergarten curriculum will include gay porn?

The reality is that gay marriage doesn't change anything about marriage for you or me or millions of other Californians. It doesn't do a thing to my marriage, it does not change any definitions for me or you, and it doesn't really impact our day to day lives at all. Period.

The reality is that gay marriage doesn't impact what is taught to my kids either. They will learn that ANYONE can get married rather than just boys to girls. THAT'S ALL. Oh, the horror.

I don't really think that the Yes on Prop 8 people realize that their website is as embarrassing as it is. But, even worse, I would be willing to bet that there are thousands of conservatives out there who are unwilling to look further into this that the highly misleading ad campaign ProtectMarriage.com has going on, and are actually being duped into believing their half-truths and twisted words. Sad.

It's ok to not like gay marriage. It's ok if you think it's an abomination. That's fine. Think that. Defeating Prop 8 won't change that. You won't have to like gay marriage, heck you won't even have to like gays.

But, it's not ok to deny your peers basic civil rights simply because you don't happen to "believe" in their lifestyle.

good grief

2008-10-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

Do republicans ENJOY looking stupid?

I'd like to see Elizabeth Hasslebeck defend this steaming pile of crap.......